THIN AND BACK AGAIN

GLOBAL INFLATION OF EXPERIENCE AND WAISTLINE

Every fat person has a similar story, that starts early with being told we are bigger, ergo lesser, than our peers. I was taken to Weight Watchers by my mom at 11 years old. I was bulimic by 12. Anorexic by 13. A cutter by 14. I was set up with a 21 year old man who was also fat “because we’d get along.” 

I spent years calorie restricting and feeling guilty every time I fell off the wagon. But I still lived my life. I worked in the Democratic Republic of Congo and rode a motorbike for 6 days, 12 hours a day to get there.

I got bariatric surgery, feeling pressured that people would underestimate me if I continued to be fat, and after nearly two years of public vomiting, dumping, and uncomfortable eating, I was thin.

I got pregnant with twins five years later, and maintained a healthy pregnancy weight. But then I got cancer, and the immunotherapy made me so sick I ended up on 180mg of prednisone every day for months and suddenly, I was fat again.

I kept telling my doctors and oncologists that I wasn’t changing my eating or workout routine but I was still gaining 5+ pounds every month. But no one listened, because no one listens to these kinds of things, and the assumption is always that fat people are lying, and that if you’re gaining weight, it’s your fault. 

I was sassy and funny at every weight, but why did it feel like everyone’s reaction to me changed so much based on my size?

I have learned so much about weight stigma, fatphobia, and the body’s limited ability to change. My greatest hope is that I can impart what I’ve learned and help people to stop hating their bodies.